5 reflections on my second pregnancy
With only five weeks of this pregnancy left, I’m feeling very reflective and getting just a little bit emotional about it all (blame the hormones!) Just as every child is different, it seems that every pregnancy is different, as this time around I’ve had pretty much the opposite experience to my first pregnancy. The last eight months have been tough at every stage. From morning sickness to cramps to extreme tiredness and even anaemia, it’s felt like my body has been thrown into chaos by trying to grow this little human. I thought I was tired and nauseous first time round, but it completely pales in comparison to this time! Here are my reflections on eight of the hardest months of my life.
1. Growing a baby is really, really hard when you’re caring for a toddler full-time
I find it remarkable that the human race has managed to keep going when it’s so ruddy hard being pregnant with a toddler! Pregnancy basically demands that you sit down as much as possible, rest to the max, sleep 50% more than you would normally… yet having a toddler makes these things extremely difficult, if not impossible.
The intensity of chasing a small, uncontrollable person around for most of my waking hours has taken its toll. I’ve felt exhausted nearly all the time, and particularly so now that I’m carrying about 5kg of baby and extra organs around with me.
2. Every pregnancy is different
Like I said, this pregnancy could not be more different to last time. I knew this right from the start, when morning sickness hit with a vengeance and I was throwing up several times a day. I knew I’d got off lightly first time, and naively thought that that meant future pregnancies would be the same. How wrong I was!
On the upside, there have also been positive differences. This little miss is much more gentle with her movements than Clem ever was. Clem was a real kicker and I’d regularly get a sharp poke in the ribs. It’s a welcome change to feel gentle rolling around instead! And it makes me even more excited to meet her, knowing she will be her own wonderful person.
3. The female body is an incredible thing
I’ve been struck once again with just how amazing the female body is. My body has grown a whole new life - a person with hands and feet and a heart and a tiny little brain. I have no idea how it has done it. If you asked me to grow a baby on demand, I wouldn’t know where to start, but my body has known exactly what to do every step of the way.
What’s more, it’s done it all despite not always having everything it needs. I’ve spent a large chunk of the pregnancy with anaemia, and yet little baby girl has grown perfectly, thanks to my body prioritising her needs over mine.
Remembering this has been so helpful as I prepare for the birth, which is another thing which I know my body can do with very little input from me. I’m taking comfort in the fact that things will happen when they need to happen, and all I need to do is lean into what my body does. How liberating!
4. I know it will be worth it
I said in my first trimester update /link that I was feeling more excited this time, and that’s continued right the way through. Already having one baby means you know the joy that’s to come, and I know for sure that all the hardship of pregnancy will be worth it in the end. I can’t imagine loving this baby as much as I love Clem, but I know I will when I meet her, and I know there will be moments with her every day that make my heart sing.
5. I don’t think this will be the last…
Who knows how I will feel when we become a family of four, but right now I have a strong feeling that this isn’t our last baby. I don’t want to think that this will be the last time I’m pregnant, even though it’s been tough, and it feels like there might still be room for more little people. But, as I’ve said to Phil, let’s wait and see how we get on with two first…!