A Positive Second Birth (After a Difficult First Birth)

I never thought I'd be one of those people who had a positive birth story to tell. After my first birth, I resigned myself to, at best, a manageable birth, but never a positive experience. Certainly not one i'd look back on fondly! Yet here I am, three weeks on from the birth of our beautiful Margot, reflecting on that day as the day I realised birth could be something wonderful from start to finish.

My first birth

Before I start that story, you need to know that the birth of our first, little Clem, was not so straightforward. I went in with a plan for a warm, fuzzy, oxytocin-filled experience, culminating in a water birth in our nearest birth centre. It started fine, I went into labour around bedtime and we headed to the birth centre around 3am, but after a few hours of little progress, the midwives decided to break my waters. Sadly, the waters were tinged green, and suddenly everything changed. 

I was whisked upstairs to the labour ward, hooked up to a heart rate monitor and told to lie still. I felt trapped and out of control. My body was telling me to move and work with the contractions, but the doctors were saying something different. I panicked, couldn't stay on top of the pain, and asked for an epidural. Some time later the midwives told me it was time to push, but the epidural hadn't worn off enough so I couldn't feel my contractions and after a couple hours of pushing, there was still no baby. At this point, the doctor came in with a piece of paper. They wanted to prep me for c-section, but would first try to deliver by forceps. I signed the consent form, feeling like I'd failed, and was wheeled into theatre. Thankfully we didn't have to go to c-section, the forceps did the trick and little Clem was born very quickly. I'd been in established labour for around 20 hours. 

I was on cloud nine knowing it was all over, but after only a couple of minutes, our new baby was whisked away from me. I suddenly felt very cold and started vomiting. I remember looking at Phil and seeing him white as a sheet. It wasn't until later on that I found out that I'd had a major blood loss (post-partum haemorrhage), and the doctors had been trying to get things under control. Clem, meanwhile, was screaming and inconsolable. By the time I got to hold him an hour or two later, he was beside himself and unable to feed. We didn't manage to get him to latch for another 5 days. In the days after the birth, I felt like a complete failure. A failure for having an instrumental delivery, a failure for having an epidural, a failure for missing that crucial first hour with my little boy. The first few weeks with Clem were magical, but tinged with sadness as I reflected on the birth and processed everything that had happened.

The decision to have a home birth

Coming to terms with the birth took a long time, and even after I felt I'd put it to bed, the emotions resurfaced as I went through my second pregnancy. I knew I didn't want a repeat of last time, but it felt inevitable that things would be out of my control. One thing I knew was that if I could be in my own space, I might have a chance of things going more smoothly. I read up on the risks and was surprised to learn that for women with low risk pregnancies who had already had a baby, home birth was actually a safer option. There was a much lower risk of the complications that had caused so much grief last time and thus, potentially lower risk of heavy blood loss. It made perfect sense to me! 

The problem was that for some reason, every doctor I spoke to disagreed (except one lovely doctor friend who's evangelical about home birth - to whom I'm eternally grateful!). The fact that I'd had a previous blood loss made it more likely this time, and that seemed to be all that they thought about. On the other hand, midwife after midwife was fully supportive of my decision. Most of all, my (incredible!!) home birth midwife assured me that there were lots of ways they could manage blood loss, and was the first to say that being at home would likely reduce the chances of losing the same amount of blood. I was completely sold. 

The birth

And so we arrived at the morning of 30th December. For a couple of days I'd been having mild irregular contractions, but put it down to Braxton Hicks. That morning, things seemed to have stepped up a notch. The contractions were more regular and a bit stronger, and I had a funny feeling that we'd be seeing our baby before the day was out. 

I hadn't packed our hospital bags yet (although we were planning not to go, it's best to be prepared!) and there were still a few things we needed for the birth, so we hopped in the car and went to the supermarket. Phil called his mum and asked her to come and collect Clem so we wouldn't have a last minute rush. By 11am the bags were packed and Clem was out of the house, and it didn't take me long to decide to nap. Given the length of my first birth, I fully expected that I'd have a long and hard labour ahead of me, so sleeping seemed the best option. It was a little hard to sleep through contractions, but I eventually managed it. The day continued much like that - resting, waiting, wondering if it was all a false alarm. We watched a movie, and I folded laundry in between contractions. It was such a lovely feeling to know that we didn't have to think about going to the hospital. 

Around 4pm, as the sun started setting, things started to ramp up. We dimmed the lights, put on some gentle music and lit some candles. It felt like we were creating a little nest ready to welcome our little girl. I had a feeling that things were about to progress, but I had no idea how quickly. The contractions got longer and more regular but still felt manageable, so I told Phil that we didn't need to call the midwife yet. While the contractions were strong, I felt so much more positive this time. I knew each one was bringing the end closer. Each one was doing the job of opening my body and pushing the baby down. Last time, it had felt like I was unable to work with my body, but this time it felt like I could ride the wave of each surge as it came. I spent most of labour standing or walking with only brief periods of resting on my yoga ball. During contractions, it helped to press my palms open against a wall, as if I was physically opening my body. 

Around 6pm, Phil told me that my contractions were a minute long and were coming very regularly, so I reluctantly agreed we should call the midwife. A short while later she turned up, and said that she'd read over my notes before examining. She was surprised that we hadn't got the pool inflated yet - the first clue that things were a bit further along than we realised! 

As Phil began inflating the pool, the next contraction came on and I felt pressure in my bottom like I was about to do a poo. I shouted this out, feeling quite panicky, and the midwife raced over. I knew that was often a sign that the baby was about to arrive, but still didn't believe that I was anywhere near having a baby, so asked the midwife to stay away as I really thought I was going to do a poo! After a couple of minutes I realised I didn't actually need to use the toilet, and the next contraction was so intense that for the first time I felt like I couldn't carry on. I shouted for Phil and asked for gas and air, but the lovely midwife suggested trying my tens machine instead, and I gratefully agreed. As she was setting it up, another contraction came and I knew I needed to start pushing. Kneeling on the threshold of the downstairs toilet, Margot was born after a few pushes. The midwife told me to reach down and I picked up our tiny girl, holding her close to my chest, her little eyes staring up at me. We'd done it. 

It wasn't until later that I realised the second midwife had been waiting at the front door while the baby was born. I'd been in established labour around 3 hours, hadn't had any pain relief, and only lost a small amount of blood. It couldn't have been more different to last time.

And just as the birth was different, so was the precious first hour after the birth

a different ending

And just as the birth was different, so was the precious first hour after the birth. We lay quietly on the sofa, skin to skin, Margot looking up at me contentedly. It felt so right to be in our own space, away from the eyes of the world. After a short while, I attempted to feed her and she latched immediately and started feeding. I couldn't believe, after all the struggles with Clem, that she got it first time. It was like she just knew what to do. It was all so straightforward that the midwives were out the door again within an hour of arriving!

Now, three weeks on from the birth, the benefits of home birth have continued. I only had a small tear and no stitches, so while sitting down was a little painful at first, the pain had all but gone after a week. Emotionally, I had the usual baby blues but none of the crushing feelings of failure I'd had after my first birth. It's been a major transition to having two children, but generally I feel like I'm coping, where last time I felt like I was sinking for the first few weeks. A lot of that is down to being an experienced mum, but without a doubt the impact of a positive birth in our own home has been huge. 

As I look back on the experience, I can only say that I am in awe of God's design of the female body. Yes, labour is hard and painful and emotional, but he made the body to know exactly what to do. Labouring at home gave me the best place to allow my body to do what it needed to do. I'm not particularly strong or good at coping with pain, but as I went with the flow, my body did just what it needed to do with very little help. What a privilege to have experienced that, and my hope is that many more women will be able to do the same!

Finally, our little Margot. Born at 6.57pm on 30th December 2019. She weighed 6lbs 8oz (2.9kg) and everyone who meets her says how tiny she is. But she's so strong. At two weeks, she could already lift her head and shoulders during tummy time. And she's so calm, having barely cried since she arrived. I have a feeling God has some pretty special things in store for this lady. 

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